Humor

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Sharee loves humor so much and since it's such a great therapy, we've decided to add an entire section dedicated to humor. As we all know, the girl loves to laugh. In fact, we think it's the oxygen in the air that makes her giggle. Look for humorous stuff added to this page on a regular basis.

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Kids say the cutest things
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than....................punch a 5th grader
Strike while the .........................bug is close
It's always darkest before................Daylight Savings time
Never underestimate the power of..........termites
You can lead a horse to water but.........how?
Don't bite the hand that..................looks dirty
No news is................................impossible
A miss is as good as a....................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new............math
If you lie down with dogs, you'll.........stink in the morning
Love all, trust...........................me
The pen is mightier than the..............pigs
An idle mind is...........................the best way to relax
Where there's smoke there's...............pollution
Happy the bride who.......................gets all the presents
A penny saved is..........................not much
Two's company, three's....................the Musketeers
Don't put off till tomorrow what..........you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..... then you blow your nose
None are so blind as......................Stevie Wonder
Children should be seen and not...........spanked or grounded
If at first you don't succeed.............get new batteries
You get out of something what you.........see pictured on the box
When the blind leadeth the blind..........get out of the way
Better late than..........................pregnant

Women bumper stickers
1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
2. God made us sisters, prozac made us friends.
3. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.
4. My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
5. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
6. Coffee, chocolate, men....some things are just better rich.
7. Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen.
8. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
9. Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
10. I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.
11. Guys have feelings too. But like.....who cares?
12. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
13. And your point is?
14. Of course I don't look busy....I did it right the first time.
15. Sorry if I look interested. I'm not.
16. Do not start with me. You will not win.
17. You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up.
18. All stressed out and no one to choke.
19. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
20. How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Heart surgeon
Morris, the mechanic, was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.

Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey, DeBakey! Come on over here a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this work here. I also open hearts, take valves out, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me is doing basically the same work?"

Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."

Children's books that didn't make the cut
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share!
4. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
5. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
6. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
7. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
8. Things Rich Kids Have But You Never Will
9. Your Nightmares Are Real
10. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

 

Bad California weather
With all the news on TV lately about the sub-zero weather and snow that the East Coast and upstate NY areas are experiencing, we shouldn't forget that Southern California has it's share of devastating weather also. We have attached a photo illustrating the excessive damage caused to a home from a West Coast storm that passed through the Central Coast area a couple of days ago. It really makes you cherish what you have, and reminds us not to take life for granted!!! Check this out.

Darn women drivers
Driving to the schoolhouse this morning on I-26, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!!

It scared me so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the truck using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned me in a bad place, ruined the darn phone and disconnected an important call. Darn women drivers!!!

Baseball fan
A first grade teacher in New York explains to her class that she is a Yankee's fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Yankee fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surpass and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Yankee's fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Yankee's fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Mariner's fan, and proud of it," Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why are you a Mariner's fan?"
"Because my mom is a Mariner's fan, and my dad is a Mariner's fan, so I'm a Mariner's fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "That is no reason for you to be a Mariner's fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were a moron and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?"
"Then ," Janie smiled, "We'd be Yankee fans."

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Disclaimer: The information on this Web site was researched for a family member and is being made available to public only for educational purposes. We neither endorse nor recommend any products, diets, recipes, treatments, or therapies because we are not healthcare experts. Please consult your healthcare expert before trying any treatments or products mentioned on this Web site.